I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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