Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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