ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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