Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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