I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
