She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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