well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
