is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
