I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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