The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
