Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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