I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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