3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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