I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
