last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
