Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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