Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
