i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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