I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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