:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
