No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
