can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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