well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
