a queef is a wish your heart makes.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
