Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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