about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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