You smell like stripper and shame
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
