i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
