Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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