my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm like, not good at living.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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