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You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
