dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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