I can't breathe out the right side of my face
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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