they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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