Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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