This girl is more easily done than said...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
