When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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