He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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