How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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