thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
