bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
