well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Drake has all the answers
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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