My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
