Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
