why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
