do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
