I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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