they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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