i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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