you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
There are leaves in my underwear?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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