Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
