Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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