He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
