I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She tied me up with her honor cords...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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