the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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