The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
