I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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