She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
