we're blogging at a bar
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
