Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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