I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
