I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
