why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
