it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
