I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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