I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
